Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
