She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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