theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
