Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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