Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
