Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
