Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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