Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
