Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Success! We fucked roommates!
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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