Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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