im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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