the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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