Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
