I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
