the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
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