i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
