Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
