why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
