why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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