mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
