apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
