The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
