somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Found your dick twin last night
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
