I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
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