I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
