im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
