I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
