I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
