is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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