I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
