Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
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