I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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