after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
The Olympian is in my bed
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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