Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
