If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
i am craving dick and cupcakes
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
