dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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