She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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