ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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