I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
