Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
