I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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