Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
