I think im going to throw up on grandma
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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