i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
