Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
