there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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