its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
