i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
