I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
