pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
