Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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