sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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