Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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