Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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